by Abdullah Ansari
Since I have been a primary caretaker for someone with a physical disability for about a year (May Allah give immense Shifāʾ to my father), I wanted to share some reflections and advice based on some important points I have internalized.
1. Being kind and gentle to the greatest of your ability is an invaluable trait. Working beyond your frustrations and feelings of annoyance to still speak words of encouragement, lower your voice, and have a smile on your face can imbue huge amounts of hope and positivity in your loved one. It’s important to be sensitive to your loved one’s pains and insecurities to help cultivate an environment of khidmah (service) and compassion. Don’t make them feel like they are a burden, an obstacle in the way of your life. Make them feel like they belong and that everyone is honored and grateful to have them in their life.
2. The healing that is found in the masajid knows no bounds. To hear the recitation of Allah’s book in a row of dozens of other congregants helps bring peace and contentment to the troubled heart.
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ قَدْ جَآءَتْكُم مَّوْعِظَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَشِفَآءٌ لِّمَا فِى ٱلصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ
“O humanity! Indeed, there has come to you a warning from your Lord, a cure for what is in the hearts, a guide, and a mercy for the believers.”
And no, it is definitely not easy to get a disabled individual to and from the masjid, but it is absolutely worth it. Don’t be embarrassed to take your loved one to Allah’s house; it is open to all and its tranquility has no limits. For masjid leadership, make arrangements to help ease this task for families and friends and make the masjid disability accessible, especially with easy access to restrooms and the musallah. Most importantly, create a welcoming environment where you rush to give salam and socialize with individuals with disabilities coming to pray. You don’t know what they’ve been through to walk through those doors; don’t be the reason they regret ever coming. Offer your help in an appropriate and respectful manner, but don’t be pushy and give appropriate space to the family and their loved one.
3. Please replace your sympathy and pity with empathy. I have noticed that many of our community members treat individuals with disabilities like their lives have come to a halt and as if they are living their worst life. As a result, they don’t realize the value in visiting them, calling them, etc. and end up abandoning them in hopes of not “getting in the way” or “bothering them”. Try to put yourself in their shoes and empathize with what they are going through. If you had gone through a long and drawn out sickness of some sort and had been confined to a hospital bed for months, you may just want someone to talk to and socialize with. Go out of your way to serve those families and don’t get offended if you are met with a “today’s not a good time”, “just make Duʿā”, etc.
May Allah give healing and comfort to all our loved ones and give us the ability to continue serving them.
